


speak now (or forever hold your peace)

by marvelleous



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Speculation, season 5
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-28
Updated: 2017-10-28
Packaged: 2019-01-25 07:30:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,687
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12526176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marvelleous/pseuds/marvelleous
Summary: Phil had long anticipated something getting in the way of them sitting down together to talk; it was inevitable that a catastrophe would occur somewhere in the world, and they would put everything else on the back-burner to deal with the problems of others, their own issues long forgotten. Though he wanted nothing more than to sit down together, lock the door so no one could disturb them, and talk about their feelings from dusk till dawn, he knew the chances of that ever happening were a million to one.But the universe always did have a sense humour, because here they are.





	speak now (or forever hold your peace)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [qiaolianmay](https://archiveofourown.org/users/qiaolianmay/gifts).



> wishing my dearest jan a happy birthday. you are one of the best people i know, and deserve everything in the world. unfortunately all i can do is give you this fic ;)

_ When we get out of this mess, we take a couple of steps back, start again. _

They had made a deal, all those months back down in the tunnels together, unsure whether or not they would make it out alive. It was the promise of something more, something for them to hold on to, to fight for. Too many mistakes had been made in all the years they knew one another, and they had finally agreed to start anew, reassess the relationship between them. There was a conversation to be had, straight forward and without lies, no more hiding. 

Phil had long anticipated something getting in the way of them sitting down together to talk; it was inevitable that a catastrophe would occur somewhere in the world, and they would put everything else on the back-burner to deal with the problems of others, their own issues long forgotten. Though he wanted nothing more than to sit down together, lock the door so no one could disturb them, and talk about their feelings from dusk till dawn, he knew the chances of that ever happening were a million to one. 

But the universe always did have a sense humour, because here they are. 

“I kind of wish I paid a little more attention to Astronomy during school. I can’t name any of those stars.”

His weak attempt at breaking the silence between them is met with a quiet scoff from Melinda, who is sitting in the corner opposite him, fingers running absentmindedly over a panel on the wall. The light behind her is a bright green; reminds him of those artificial plants he decorated his apartment with back in the day, never being around long enough to keep the real ones alive. 

He watches her just sitting there, while she stares at the view before them, gaze fixed upon the seemingly never ending expanse of darkness, illuminated by specks of light, a myriad of colours mingling together in a way one would never be able to experience back on Earth. It’s beautiful, possibly one of the most magnificent sights in the universe. 

Yet it pales in comparison to Melinda, just like everything else he’s ever laid eyes upon. 

Whilst he had tried so valiantly to stray away from thoughts like these in the past, he’s no longer afraid of them, of what they mean, what they represent. He no longer fears these feelings of his, that had once been the most terrifying aspect of his life, despite the dangers he faced daily. Even after he died and returned he still hid from them. 

Phil knows he cannot hide any more. 

He clears his throat several times but Melinda doesn’t seem to notice, and he knows that he will have to speak to get her attention. There are so many things he wants to say to her, but finding a point to begin is almost impossible. 

“We should probably talk.”

She turns to face him, a neon green glow seeping through strands of her hair, a resigned look on her face as she focuses her attentions on him, on them, on whatever it is that’s going to go down between them. He sees the way she’s controlling herself, shallow breaths and a rigid posture, and it hurts. 

“We don’t… There’s a lot we we have to say, a lot I have to say. Let’s just agree, no more secrets. We have to be honest with each other.”

His words feel redundant even to him, but Melinda is nodding, and he knows this is it. 

A conversation long overdue. 

He needs her to go first.

 

* * *

 

Melinda has always been perceptive, and she realises when Phil is handing her the reigns by both his expression and the way he leans back against the wall, letting his body relax. She’s always dealt with situations as they come up, always fixes the problem, but this has been one problem she’s never been able to solve.

He’s giving her the chance to now. 

There are a thousand things she could confess in this moment, close to thirty years worth of lies and deflection that kept them separated, that ensured Phil could devote himself to S.H.I.E.L.D. as he had always intended, so she could stay by his side and protect him. She could tell him that all the men she cycled through in their younger years served only as distractions, so she could bury the feelings she had for him. The boundaries they had enforced while she was married were not only for the sake of professionalism, but so she could remind herself that things between them could never work. That she would do anything for him, follow him anywhere, until the very end. 

She settles for something a little simpler, a reflection of the words she said to him the moment  _ she  _ realised that she had never stopped loving him. 

“You mean a lot to me. A lot.”

Her voice cracks a little as she speaks, but it’s nothing compared to the feeling of her soul fragmenting at the smile that forms on his face upon hearing her. She allows herself to smile back, feeling less burdened than she has in years, for she’s finally said the one thing she’s always wanted him to hear. 

He just sits and smiles at her for the longest time, until she stretches out her leg, nudging his foot with her own.

“Is there… is there something you wanted to say?”

She smirks, letting him know that she's just teasing, but she really doesn't know how to respond as he shuffles over towards her, until they're practically side by side. He stares at a point just above her head for a moment, and she follows his gaze, seeing the bright yellow light just above her head.

It makes her think of sunshine, of dawn and new beginnings, and she thinks it's kind of fitting.

“You mean everything to me, you know that right? I'm not trying to one up your whole “you mean a lot to me”, it's just how I feel. I've made a lot of mistakes in my life but the biggest one was not telling you how I felt sooner.”

He reaches out to hold her hand as he speaks, and she lets him. She feels his skin against hers, his real skin, and allows her head to fall against his shoulder, simply enjoying the sensations.

“If you had told me sooner, then we wouldn't be here now,” she murmurs, and he nods in agreement, brushing his nose up against the crown of her head.

“I've always regretted it. I should have just said something back during graduation, or our first mission. Or Madrid, Russia, Glasgow…” he trails off as he speaks and she allows herself a little laughter at his expense.

They lapse into silence once more, each reminiscing of all the years they spent together as friends, colleagues, partners and something more. 

 

* * *

 

Her hair looks incredible in this light, the harsh orange bringing out the golden tones in her curls, and he reaches over, just brushing against it with his fingers. She leans into his touch, and it's enough to have his heart rate increase.

“Where do you think we’d be now, if I had told you all those years back?”

He's thought about it many times himself, imagined a life where they were in love, happy together, balancing the professional and personal. A nice house out in the suburbs, a backyard with a pool and enough space to barbecue in the summer. They'd have double garage with room for Lola and Melinda’s motorcycle, and a spot on the driveway for a sedan. He's pictured it far too often, the image in his mind changing as they grew older, as their relationship changed. 

“On earth, working for S.H.I.E.L.D. We probably wouldn't have died.”

They share a laugh at that, short and not at all sweet, turning to face one another.

“I'm sorry we waited so long.”

“Me too.”

* * *

 

They're bathed in a deep red glow when he leans over to kiss her, their lips touching for the first time as themselves. She rests her hands against his chest while he pulls her closer, and they explore one another, quickly, desperately.

Neither of them want this to ever end. 

She’s gasping softly when they pull apart, maintaining control even now.

“Melinda.”

He whispers her name, so low she can barely catch it even though they're so close, and she allows him to steal the air from her lungs as they join together for one final kiss.

What surrounds them is loud and chaotic, but they know none of that. Their world fades to darkness as they hold one another, needing to stay together, unwilling to be separated again. 

 

* * *

 

“You’ve always been one for the dramatics,” Melinda tells him two months later, when they’re back on earth and have almost recovered entirely from their ordeal. 

“You thought we were going to die too,” he retorts, poking her in the side. He realises his mistake two seconds later when she has him pinned to their bed, straddling his waist as she holds him down with a firm hand against his chest. 

“Yes. But we rather traumatised Daisy when she found us.”

They both remember the look on Daisy’s face when she had described the events of their rescue, how she had blasted down the door and found them “sucking face” whilst entirely unconscious. 

“The door was locked, how were we to know she would come in to bust us out,” he jokes now, and she shakes her head at him, reaching out to cup his cheek. The mood shifts entirely as her fingers trace his jaw, and he smiles. 

“I’m glad she did,” Melinda whispers as she leans down to kiss him. It’s slow and sweet, because they have all the time in the world now, and they pull apart to look into each other’s eyes for a moment. He leans up, brushing the tip of his nose against hers before murmuring his response. 

“Me too."

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading! if you enjoyed the story, i always appreciate kudos or comments :)


End file.
